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It didn’t take long for all the results of my testing to come back, 3 days. We met with the Radiation Oncologist as well as my Oncologist and together , they delivered the verdict. Stage 2 Invasive Squamous cell Carcinoma. The cancer was contained and had not spread to any of my lymphatic system. Nick and I were so relieved by this news, the fact it had not spread was amazing! In the world of cancer, my new world, every little thing that is a positive seems like a gift from God.

Somehow knowing that the battle I was about to fight wasn’t going to be the worst and most hairy battle I could be faced with was comforting. Not knowing exactly what I was going to have to endure with my treatment was terrifying!

You see, as much as the medical professionals know about cancer, there is so much more that they don’t know!!!! All of the “ Earth’s Angels “ as Nick and I came to call them , can answer your questions about the science and routine of cancer and it’s treatment, but they can’t answer your questions about each patient’s individual needs and symptoms.

When I would ask “ What am I up against here?” “ How bad is BAD going to be?” “Will I have ALL or NO symptoms with my chemo/radiation?” “ What can I do to relieve the symptoms if I get them?” The Doc’s and nurses would always have an answer, but most times it was a generic “broad spectrum “ answer that covered many bases. For me, this was very difficult to process. I am not a person that deals with the unknown very well. I like to have as much knowledge as I can , especially when navigating through tough times.

My start of treatment began the end of February, chemo/radiation 5 days a week for 6 weeks. Weekends off. The treatment protocol was one that had been in practice for as many years as I was old, 50! It is referred to as the Nigro Protocol. I took oral chemotherapy at home 5 days a week, it was called Capecitabine. On the first and last day of treatment, I had a PICC line put in and received another kind of chemo called Mitomycin. The radiation was 5 days a week as well and I was on the table for 15 minutes each session.

With both chemotherapy and the radiation, the side effects were accumulative. The first 2 weeks were tolerable, for me, nausea and some discomfort on my “ under carriage “ were the symptoms I experienced. Diarrhea as well , but for the most part I could eat normally and function in life like usual.

It was week 3 things started to become more challenging, side effects were more prominent. My mental strength wavered. It was very difficult to find the resilience to push on. I cried. I cursed cancer and understood all to well what people meant when they said “FUCK CANCER!!!!” I allowed myself those moments. Because those times needed to happen. I had to feel sorry for myself so I could dig even deeper to pull myself up and snap out of it! I was not going to let the cancer win. It was not welcome in my body in the first place, I never invited it! In those moments, I found a new strength I didn’t even realize I had!!!!! Within myself I found a person I didn’t know even existed !!!!!!!

After receiving the initial news I had a mass in my anal canal , the waiting for a more in depth diagnosis seemed to take forever. In reality, it was only a week and a half before the plethora of appointments started. I needed to have an MRI, CT scan, and last but certainly not least, a PET scan. All of these different types of imaging, help determine the final diagnosis and staging of the tumor.

The MRI was first, then the next day, the CT scan and PET scan. Both of these scans require contrast. After I changed into my hospital gown , I waited in our little room, with my husband Nick. The nurse came in and explained what was going to happen and then put in my IV. The CT scan was first.

Tech- “Hello Jennifer! How are you today? My name is Michelle and I am going to be giving you your contrast in your IV today. Have you had a CT scan before?”

Me- ” No, I haven’t “

Tech- “Ok, well, I need to let you know that shortly after the injection, you will experience a sensation of urinating yourself. You will not actually be going, it will just feel that way.”

Me- ” Oh, ok.”

Tech- ” Also, did they explain I was going to have to inject some gel like contrast into the area that we are going to image today?”

Me- ” Uhhh…. NO!!!! They did not !!!! I’m sorry, you have to put what where?! And WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN?!?!

Now , mind you , I have literally been in the room with this young lady for no more than 5 minutes!!! Can you imagine?! Not only my discomfort, but hers? This situation could have gone one of two ways. In that brief moment of total uneasiness I chose to embrace the humor and just get er’ done!!!!! The experience took all of 3 minutes and the scan was started. As I was in the scanner I couldn’t help think about what had just happened. How many other professions in the world does one meet a person , and then 3 minutes later are up close and personal with one of the most intimate and private areas on the human body?!?!

The PET scan was next and required radioactive sugar contrast. The reasoning behind this is because cancer cells love sugar. Once the contrast is injected, it runs through the body and the PET scan can see anywhere in the body that has cancer. The technician said the cancer cells “light up the screen and dance.” After a long and taxing day, the scans were done and we went home. The waiting was in play again , it would take 2-3 days for the imaging to be read by the Radiologist…..

Hello all!

Welcome to my blog!!! I am hoping this website brings help , comfort and support to all in need.

For certain, my life absolutely changed on January 29, 2021. I went in for a colonoscopy and hemorrhoidectomy , when I awoke, the surgeon delivered the news….. A mass, about the size of a large egg had decided to take up residence in my anal canal. He biopsied the tumor , of course, but could tell from all his years and expertise that it was cancer. CANCER?! The nastiest word in the English language as far as I am concerned.

I was in complete shock! I don’t really even remember my wheelchair ride to the car. My husband picked me up in front of the hospital, got us situated in the car, and embraced me like never before. We cried together and I held him as tight as I could! Nick and I were just recently married, 7-28-2020. We had both gone through divorces and found each other, again! We had dated over 30 years ago in High School. To have been fortunate enough to find love again was beautiful, to think for even one second that our love story could be stopped in its tracks because of this ugly disease, was absolutely surreal.

You see, the initial words were spoken, ” You have cancer” , and then they send you home!!! That’s right , send you home. This was by far one of the hardest moments of this experience, no further info on what kind of cancer or what stage is the tumor? The places one’s brain can go with info like that is pretty dark! Nick and I and our families helped get us through those 5 days until the barrage of appointments started , and we started to get some answers.

As I reflected on what was happening, the range of emotions were all present and accounted for, sadness, anger, fear, surprise and anxiety…. and I wanted to know how this happened? Of all places to get cancer, I get it in my ass?!? Are you kidding me right now?!?