It didn’t take long for all the results of my testing to come back, 3 days. We met with the Radiation Oncologist as well as my Oncologist and together , they delivered the verdict. Stage 2 Invasive Squamous cell Carcinoma. The cancer was contained and had not spread to any of my lymphatic system. Nick and I were so relieved by this news, the fact it had not spread was amazing! In the world of cancer, my new world, every little thing that is a positive seems like a gift from God.
Somehow knowing that the battle I was about to fight wasn’t going to be the worst and most hairy battle I could be faced with was comforting. Not knowing exactly what I was going to have to endure with my treatment was terrifying!
You see, as much as the medical professionals know about cancer, there is so much more that they don’t know!!!! All of the “ Earth’s Angels “ as Nick and I came to call them , can answer your questions about the science and routine of cancer and it’s treatment, but they can’t answer your questions about each patient’s individual needs and symptoms.
When I would ask “ What am I up against here?” “ How bad is BAD going to be?” “Will I have ALL or NO symptoms with my chemo/radiation?” “ What can I do to relieve the symptoms if I get them?” The Doc’s and nurses would always have an answer, but most times it was a generic “broad spectrum “ answer that covered many bases. For me, this was very difficult to process. I am not a person that deals with the unknown very well. I like to have as much knowledge as I can , especially when navigating through tough times.
My start of treatment began the end of February, chemo/radiation 5 days a week for 6 weeks. Weekends off. The treatment protocol was one that had been in practice for as many years as I was old, 50! It is referred to as the Nigro Protocol. I took oral chemotherapy at home 5 days a week, it was called Capecitabine. On the first and last day of treatment, I had a PICC line put in and received another kind of chemo called Mitomycin. The radiation was 5 days a week as well and I was on the table for 15 minutes each session.
With both chemotherapy and the radiation, the side effects were accumulative. The first 2 weeks were tolerable, for me, nausea and some discomfort on my “ under carriage “ were the symptoms I experienced. Diarrhea as well , but for the most part I could eat normally and function in life like usual.
It was week 3 things started to become more challenging, side effects were more prominent. My mental strength wavered. It was very difficult to find the resilience to push on. I cried. I cursed cancer and understood all to well what people meant when they said “FUCK CANCER!!!!” I allowed myself those moments. Because those times needed to happen. I had to feel sorry for myself so I could dig even deeper to pull myself up and snap out of it! I was not going to let the cancer win. It was not welcome in my body in the first place, I never invited it! In those moments, I found a new strength I didn’t even realize I had!!!!! Within myself I found a person I didn’t know even existed !!!!!!!